Artificial Insemination

Well, I discovered that there are some benefits and disadvantages to having artificial insemination on a Sunday. The big benefit was that the clinic was technically closed and so it was only us and the doc, so my worries of having my semen sample mixed up with someone else's was solved. When the doc called us to tell us to meet him, it was kind of like a drug deal conversation...He said, "Meet me in the east parking lot at 5:45." He showed up a little late and apologized, he had been out skiing all day and didn't know exactly how long it would take him to get to the office. I could just picture him up on the slopes saying to his friends, "Well, this is going to be my last run for the day. I have to head to the office and inseminate a client really quick before heading home for dinner." We entered the clinic and that is when we discovered the big disadvantage. They don't keep the heat on during the weekends and it was freezing inside. So my poor wife had to lay on a cold bed in a cold room with no pants on. The actual insemination process was super quick and easy...I really think it could be done at home! So, now it is just a waiting game again. I will keep you all updated!

And then there was one

My wife has three good friends that she ran around with in high school. All of the girls are married now and we often get together with these couples for dinners, game nights, etc. Last month we found out that one of the girls was pregnant and this week we just found out that the other two girls are too. So now it is down to just my wife. In a perfect world it would only make sense that we would be the next to get pregnant...so lets just cross our fingers and hope that it is a perfect world, or at least a perfect month!

Going along with our "great" luck so far it just so happens that my wife ovulates over the weekend. So this means that the clinic is closed and we have to page the doctor and inconvenience him during his time off to come in and artificially inseminate my wife. This leads me to my next great idea, an at home artificial insemination kit. The doc said that it was a fairly easy and quick process, so if that is true why can't we just do it at home and save everyone the time and money?? The semen "washing process" sounds like they spin it to concentrate it...well everyone has access to a washing machine so we could put the sample in a sealed container and spin away. As far as the insemination goes, I have seen some pretty long turkey basters in my day! Problem solved!

The Wife is Sick

Sorry I haven't posted for so long. My wife has been sick. I wish it was morning sickness, but it isn't, it is just the flu. I have been pretty busy trying to get her better.

Today we will be calling in to make our appointment for artificial insemination. I think we will be scheduling it for this upcoming Sunday. We are praying that this will be the answer to our conception problems. If it doesn't work than we will probably have to take a break from the Clomid for at least a month. I think it will be nice for my wife to have a break from the crazy Clomid, it has really whacked her out. I have also heard that taking Clomid sometimes kick starts your ovaries so even when you don't take it you can still ovulate. It would be our luck that the month she doesn't take it we get pregnant.

Valentine's Day Dinner

Last night my wife and I went out for a nice romantic Valentine's Dinner. We ate things that I couldn't pronounce and often felt bad for eating because they looked so pretty on the plate. It was a wonderful five course meal and we enjoyed every bite!

Now, earlier that day my wife took her first Clomid pill for the month, so I was a little worried about the side effects kicking in during dinner. There was one close call when my wife saw another couple sitting near us and the woman was pregnant. My wife said she desperately wished she was pregnant and I could see that her tear ducts were just about ready to burst. I quietly told her, "Please don't cry. If people look over here and you are crying and aren't holding some small box full of expensive jewelry or something like that, than they are going to think I made you upset on Valentine's day and I am a real ass." I realize that wasn't the most sympathetic thing to say, but it seemed to work!

During dinner we talked about how not having a baby made it easy to go out and have such a nice long romantic evening. The funny thing is that we are really hoping that next Valentine's Day will be spent at home changing dirty diapers and eating a heart-shaped pizza!!

To Artificial Insemination and Beyond.....

So it sucks that my wife started her period. I had to do a late night run to the supermarket to get some tampons. The punk-ass teenager at the check stand looked at the tampons and then looked up at me and laughed while he said, "I hope these aren't for you." So, I looked him straight in the eye and replied, "Yeah, they are." I don't think he was expecting that reply because he got quiet and hurried and rang me up.

So now it looks like I will be chaperoning my semen through a nice cleansing process in a about 14 days. Artificial Insemination actually sounds a lot worse than what it is. The doctor told us that it is a quick process that is not really painful, just uncomfortable. Now, I don't have a vagina, but the thought of someone sticking a catheter up my imaginary vagina and squirting some semen in sounds pretty awkward, doesn't it. So I guess what I am saying is that I feel bad for my wife because she has to go through this, but if it could give us a child than she is up for it.

When we finally get pregnant, we'll appreciate it

It is pretty tough when you are having a hard time getting pregnant and you hear people who are pregnant and all they do is complain. Often my wife and I will talk to a couple we know who is pregnant and they just whine! She complains about morning sickness and about how tired she always is. He bitches about how ornery she is and what a pain it is to put up with her all the time. Now obviously I can't predict the future, so I can't say exactly how my wife and I will act when we finally get pregnant. My guess is, however, that because we have had a hard time trying to conceive, we will be pretty damn appreciative when it finally happens. We have already agreed that we definitely won't complain around other people. Now I am sure my wife will tell me how it sucks to be sick and I will probably tell her when she is being a pain in the ass...yeah right, who am I kidding, I will never tell her that because I have heard there is nothing worse than pissing off a pregnant woman, and I believe it!

Family Man Online

I just wanted to post a quick thanks to Gregory Keer at Family Man Online. Gregory was kind enough to feature a little article about my blog on his website. For those of you who haven't visited the Family Man Online I really suggest you do so. It is a wonderful site for the modern dad or wanna be dad, but also has a lot of great stuff for moms too!!

You can find my article here: "Laughing on a Rocky Conception Road"

Back when I was just a sperm

Superbowl weekend allowed me to kick back and do some testosterone filled activities, you know, sitting around yelling at the TV every time the Bears fumbled the damn ball. It also allowed my wife to go out for an estrogen filled day with my mom and sister, you know, shopping and going to a chick flick. All of this male and female hormone stuff got me thinking about a persons perception of themselves before conception (say that three times fast). I asked my wife last night if she ever thought about her existence prior to being a baby. What I mean is did she ever think back when she was just a little sperm? "No, she said, I was a little egg!" This was exactly the the answer I thought I would get. She argued that the egg houses the child and therefore, is the root of existence. I argued that the sperm determined the sex of a child and therefore, is what makes us who we are today. So we argued back and forth for a while about who was right, of course neither of us could be right because it takes both a sperm and egg equally, but it was fun anyway!

Visit with the Specialist

So we just got done with our visit with the fertility specialist and things are looking positive for now. The visit was very informative. He basically said that both of us seem healthy (based on previous tests) and we probably just have really bad luck. There is a possibility that something else is wrong with my wife, but he didn't think that was the case and he said that determining that would require more invasive testing. So for now, he recommended that if we don't get pregnant this month than we try artificial insemination next month. Now of course we are hoping it will happen this month and we won't have to ever go back, but if not it is reassuring that we have an option to better our chances.

My only fear with the artificial insemination is that somehow during the transfer of my semen, the doctors accidentally grab the wrong semen and my wife gets pregnant with some other dudes baby. It would be like one of those classic TV moments when the baby is born and is a completely different race than the father. I don't want to be a pain in the ass, but I will probably try to see if I can accompany my semen at all times until it reaches my wife. I know...I am crazy!